that ship has sailed
by nericearren
Summary: Mirajane tries to set Lisanna up. It goes about as well as can be expected.


"Lisanna," Mirajane called out, in a deceptively innocent tone, "I've got something for you."

Wary, Lisanna entered the back room of the guild, where her sister was waiting with a light pen and a scheming look. Sitting around the small table that took up most of the room was Erza, Evergreen, and Cana, all of whom wore looks similar to Mirajane's.

"What's going on?" Lisanna asked cautiously, hiding the fact that she was scared out of her shorts. Nothing good ever resulted from the four older girls talking together.

"We've decided that it's time for you to get a boyfriend!" Mirajane announced, as though she was just suggesting that Lisanna get a puppy, or milk at the market.

"Um-" Lisanna laughed nervously. "That's nice, but I'm okay-I've actually got to-" Before she could complete the sentence, the door behind her slammed shut, and Erza loomed over her, giving her the death eye. "A first boyfriend is a very important step in a young girl's blossoming!" she declared, and it was only because it was Erza that no one laughed. "You have to choose wisely!"

"Or else end up like you and Jellal?" Evergreen asked smugly.

Erza made a threatening gesture with her hand.

"_Sit down_," Mirajane said, scarier than the both of them combined.

"I hate to break it to you guys," Lisanna said nervously, "but I already had my first boyfriend, so-"

Nobody listened.

"We've compiled a list of suitable candidates," Cana said, while Mirajane wrote several names in the air. "All of them fit the basic three criteria that Mira supplied us with."

Lisanna tried to glare at her sister, but it was hard when the mage wouldn't make eye contact. "You need someone to get your mind off of Natsu," Mira said firmly.

Lisanna groaned. "Oh, Mavis, you aren't going around telling people that I have a crush on _Natsu_ again, are you?"

"Denial never helped a situation!" Mirajane chirped.

"I'm not in love with Laxus, nope, not a bit," Erza said, in a passible impression of Mira's soprano. "I just want to rip his clothes off and-"

"Like everybody doesn't know what you're really doing when you go off on some Crime Sorciere mission!" Mirajane shot back, abandoning her list at once in favor of shooting daggered looks at her old rival.

"We do not hide our love!" Erza declared.

"Just your faces?" Evergreen put in.

Cana sighed. "Why doesn't this meeting have beer?"

Lisanna attempted to edge away again. "Thanks for all the help, guys. I'll just be-"

"SIT DOWN!" all three women roared. She sat. Mirajane clapped her hands. "All righty, then-now that we've gotten that out of the way." She focused on the list again. "Here we go."

**Mirajane's Super-Fab List Of Potential Boyfriends! 3 3**

**1\. Loke**

**2\. Freed**

**3\. Gray**

**4\. Natsu**

**5\. Warren**

"Do I want to know what the criteria was?" Lisanna asked.

"You wrote it wrong," Evergreen accused, seizing the light pen. "Here-"

**Mirajane's Super-Fab List Of Potential Boyfriends! 3 3**

**1\. Loke**

**2.**** Freed**** (not interested)**

**3\. ****Gray**** (has murderous stalker)**

**4\. ****Natsu**** (been there, done that)**

**5\. Warren**

**6\. Elfman**

"Elfman and Lisanna are siblings," Cana pointed out.

"I did _not_ do Natsu!" Lisanna cried.

"Hold up, _what_?" Erza spun around to face her. "Say that again-"

All the girls started talking at once, each one talking louder than the previous speaker until there was little more than yelling going on in the small room.

The door opened, and Bickslow leaned in, cocking his head at Lisanna, who was furiously trying to get Erza's attention. "Yo, baby-we gotta go. Pappa's new wing ain't gonna fix itself, and I want dinner."

"I said that I'd be late," Lisanna replied in a frustrated, but obviously affectionate, tone. "Weren't you listening?"

"I was prob'ly staring at your legs," he admitted.

She shook her head. "Never mind, let's go." She ducked out of the room, seizing her boyfriend's hand. "You'll never believe what these idiots have been subjecting me to . . ."

As the door shut once more, Mirajane stared, shocked, at the impassive wood. Her light pen dropped to the floor. "But . . . he doesn't fit any of my criteria . . ." she said helplessly.

"Mm, because Warren's such a catch," Evergreen replied sarcastically.

"Aw, he's in love with Wendy anyway," Cana said. Three sets of eyes turned on her.

"That's just . . ." Erza began, and then gave up.

"Bickslow and Lisanna doesn't sound so bad now, does it?" Evergreen asked.

Mirajane just shook her head. "It'll never last."


End file.
